Not giving a damn. How do you do that? That is the million dollar question, isn’t it? How come that some people seem to able to shrug off anything while others seem to dwell on things for a long time?
The art of not giving a damn is not about not caring about others or being empathetic towards others. It’s about caring enough for yourself to know when to give a damn. If you are full of angst and you don’t feel good, you can’t care about others anyway.
I recently had this conversation with a member of my family and she was worried about what people might say about her if she does particular things. And I was wondering why this was something she was worried about at all. What others say about her. And why something she doesn’t know about, bothers her.
Therefore I asked her, do you like everyone?
Do you not like them because of something they have done? Or is it mostly because of personal chemistry?
Mostly it’s a chemistry thing.
Then, since it’s a chemistry thing is it possible that dwelling on won’t help at all? Therefore making it into a mutual thing? Becuase most of the time, people we don’t like, usually don’t like us back. And instead of dwelling on why it is like that shift your energy into something you can do something about?
Do you not care about what people say about you?
This was the question she asked me.
No, not one bit. I know who I am. I know that not everyone likes me. I also know that I sometimes make mistakes and if that is brought to my attention I try to correct it. But, I also know that, no matter what I’m like. I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. Bottom line is that you can’t please everyone and in trying to do so you will lose yourself. Therefore not giving a damn is the best thing to do. Focus your attention on things that matter. Matter for real.
This is not to say that I don’t care about people who matter to me, I do. I also care to be respectful and kind towards people in general. Because that is something I believe in. However, at the end of the day, I can’t bend over backwards to be liked and well spoken of by everyone. Because that will, in the end, cause me not to like myself very much.
It’s time to get personal
I have two sons, one of which is born with ADHD. This as you might have guessed caused a lot of opinions. A lot of unsolicited advice from unknown people who apparently not only had opinions about me and my son but also but what kind of person and parent I was.
I learned the art of not giving a damn. You have to choose your battles wisely. And as we know, what is a wise choice to me, is not a wise choice for everyone else.
And man did people have opinions. I could either lock myself and my son in my apartment or I could go embrace the world the best way I knew how. By not letting my choices be driven by someone else’s agenda.
Me, myself and I
I have a very wise and close friend who often claims that people are not against you, rather they are for themselves. Which I think sums it up very nicely. It’s not that they are after you specifically, but they are looking after their own interests. By learning this approach things will not be as personal as you might perceive them. Which makes it easier not giving a damn.
I have also noticed that when you are happy and in a good place you don’t have time to talk about others, nor do you have time to care about what others think of you.
It’s like raising a child. You can either care about every single little detail and oh boy do you care, before becoming a parent. Or you can learn how to choose your battles.
How do you master the art of not giving a damn?
Decide who you want to live your life for. You only get one.
Decide what matters and be brave enough to let yourself decide.
People are often way too busy to think about themselves and not you.
Decide what makes you happy.
Decide to be happy.
Decide not to a giving a damn about things that don’t matter.